PARENTING ARTICLES

TEN TIPS FOR THE START OF THE SCHOOL

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by Ninive Badilescu

1. Be involved and involve your child/ren in getting them ready for school

Every child meets the new school year with mixed emotions. There is excitement, fear of the unknown, expectations, curiosity, and all those feelings we can still remember from our school days. You can help them deal with it all by being with them and being part of the moment. Share it with them but do not pressure them to talk about it unless they are ready to do it.

2. Get everything ready in time

Don't leave the preparations for the last minute, especially when you have a child who is not happy to start school. Take a few days during the holidays to plan the uniform buying, books and stationary buying and mix them with activities or treats that will make the experience fun. (" I bet you are as tired as I am after going through so many shops. How about we sit down at this cafe shop and buy a milkshake or a iced tea and give our legs a rest.")

3. Talk with them about their dreams for the new school year

Use the time between shops to talk to them about the new year. Ask questions without prying for answers. Show them that you are ready to listen and help but do not press them to take up the offer unless they are ready for it.

4. Talk to them about their fears for the new school year

There are many emotions that children face now and the most taxing ones are the fears. The fear that they will not perform well enough, fear of being rejected or finding it hard to make new friends in their class, etc. If your child is ready to talk about it make sure you listen and try to see it through their eyes.

5. Respect their feelings and don't dismiss what they say

Whatever their feelings are respect them. Never dismiss them but rather discuss the ones you feel are not right or can be dealt with in a different way. Talk, be fair, listen, empathize and you will achieve much more than by simply trying to fix it for them.

6. Involve the rest of the family

Involve the whole family in ensuring that the child who looks at the beginning of a new year with fear feels safe enough to talk about it and accept your help. In the case of a child who looks forward to starting school make sure the rest of the family shares in the excitement and enjoys the moment as a family.

7. Talk and draft a schedule to help them get ready for it

Talk to your child about planning and scheduling and ask them to talk you through their ideas for doing it. Give them hints, explain and exemplify your opinions. Never try to impose them or to ask the child to observe them without fully understanding them.

8. Tell other people about your child going back to school

For a child in primary school it is a great thing to have people acknowledge that they are a year older. Mention this when you meet other people and make sure you stress a positive aspect or behaviour. " My son is starting year three this year and he is looking forward to it. He is a great reader and he will have time to concentrate more on working on his maths skills. He is very keen to get started."

9. Start working on the present for their graduation

A good idea is to work on a surprise graduation present. This can be a yearly event or it can be your secret through the school years. Start a "Diary" of quotes, events and details relating to the start and end of each school year (or the start and end of each term when you do it on a yearly basis). It will prove to be a great present and it will help you remember the things that make each year a different experience.

10. Treat the first day of school as a special day

At the end of the first day at school have a family treat. It does not have to be big or expensive. A very nicely set dinner table (regardless of the menu), a good luck card signed by everyone in the family are very easy to organise and do not involve big expenses. Your child will look at school as the activity that brings smiles and togetherness in the family and will be more willing to try harder.

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PARENTING PLANNING? YES!

The corner stone of parenting is the ability to respond instead of reacting. As one of the most important tools used in life coaching knowing how to respond is the difference between a parents living one day at the time and proactive parents who look at parenting as the most important career move in their lives. Being proactive means eliminating the need to react because you work on issues before they occur and have in place a parenting goal that you have clearly defined and planed for.

Write down your parenting goals. List the values you and your family stand for, the behaviour and attitudes that set your family apart and underline its uniqueness. We all know that we do not have the chance to dress rehears this role. No mater how many children we have the only constant in our live as parents are our goals and values. How we help our kids reach them is different each time.

Children are as responsive to respect as us. Respect their judgment enough to share your thoughts, your values, and the family goals. Don't "preach". Discuss and bring in arguments that make sense for your children. Don't tell them that your goals as a parent is to bring them up to become good members of the society and bring their contribution to building a better future for those who will come after them. This doesn't mean much to a young child. Children live the moment and for most of the childhood there is no future beyond the next occasion for receiving gifts.

Times are continuously changing and you have to keep in mind that nothing is valid forever. Your goals might change, your children will change, their attitudes change, and the environment changes all the time. Make it a rule of visiting your goals regularly and change them to reflect the changes around you as well as the changes in your own expectations. You will be more open to see opportunities when you are mindful of everything that comes into the equation of being a parent.

Looking to the future with today in mind is something very few of us are doing. We are told and taught that the best way of achieving your future is to keep aiming towards your goals and tailor your action to help you get there. But this means that you are asked to ignore where you are at today when you work towards your goals. Look at your future with today in mind and, while you should hold on to the core essence of your goal, your short term goals, the clarity of the details in your long term goal will be model by every day's environment, circumstances, expectations and actions.

Your main goal is to have a strong relationship with your children that will last forever. This is the essence of your parenting goal. The details of this relationship, its nuances will differ from child to child, from parent to parent, from circumstances to circumstances, from personal values to personal values. The startling truth is that all this will occur within the same family. You have to be prepared for it, embrace it and enjoy the uniqueness of each of your relationships.

There will be many cross roads (big or small) along the way. There will be many questions for which you will find no quick answer. You will have to make choices and get your children to embrace them and you will be asked many times to embrace and accept your children's choices. Keep in mind that your relationship is meant to last, get stronger and reach deeper levels.

Sometimes this will prove too much to handle on your own. Don't be afraid to step back and ask for help. There is no shame but lots of courage in admitting the need for help, and there is shame and no courage in denying it. Think of the choice you would want your children to make if faced with the same situation.

Planning your parenting might seem dry and calculated and it will be that way and never work if you don't mix in it your values, your dreams, your feelings, your children's feelings, their hopes, their goals, laughter, tears sometimes and lots and lots of love from everyone always.

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SIMPLY SIMPLER

a look at how to simplify your daily routine

Take a blank piece of paper and answer the following questions:

• How much time do you spend on reminding yourself all the things that you have crammed on your to-do list?
• How much time do you spend looking for things?
• How many of all the things you feel you MUST do during one day are really necessary?
• How many are in alignment with your own values?
• How many invade your own boundaries?
• How much time do you spend having fun?
• How much quality-time do you spend with your family as opposed to the time spent on all those things you HAVE to do?
• How much time do you take to acknowledge and enjoy your achievements? ...

The result may be a frightening illustration of what we have come to call life. We stretch ourselves further, we push ourselves harder, and we are so caught up in fulfilling an image we are convinced those around us have of us, we forget to look inside and see ourselves as only we can.

Take the next steps to regain control of your life:

1. Define your values

Define your values and clarify your own priorities and thus discover what is really important for you. Look at how much time you spend on other things that are not in alignment with your values and drain your energy. Do you like the result? Welcome it as the perfect reason to build-up your motivation to change.

2. Define your boundaries

Define your boundaries and make it simpler for yourself to say NO to tasks you don't feel comfortable with or you feel aren't in alignment with your values. People, events and sometimes even our own environments are constantly pushing in onto our boundaries. We have the choice to stand firm and not allow it or we can do nothing. Imagine how it will be if you resist it and hold-on to your boundaries? Take steps to make it true!

3. Delete

Go through all the things you have kept on your to-do list and use a fine comb to reduce their numbers. If you managed to survive and there are no consequences for not dealing with some of the issues on your to-do list chances are you don't really need to bother. They are simply unimportant. Delete them and consider this your first win in your journey towards an uncluttered life.

4. Barter / Outsource

See if letting someone with skills in a certain area do some of the things on your list that you are struggling with will make it less time consuming - outsource. Offer to do for them the things you are better prepared or have better skills for in exchange for their services - barter.

5. Use a diary / Prioritize

Don't keep a long to-do list. Break it down in daily doses that are easily managed and you will see easier the wins everyday. Use a diary to set a date by when you should deal with individual issues and keep track of your journey.

6. Categorise

Select tasks that are similar and try to go through them as a block. Similar tasks are easier dealt with together and they create and sustain the necessary momentum.

7. Brighten it up

Mark tasks that you have dealt with using a bright colour or highlight them. Seeing the page steadily "coloured-in" will help you keep the momentum and you'll find it easier to stay committed. And yes: don't forget to count each win along the way.

8. Acknowledge

Acknowledge your achievements regardless of how unimportant they seem to be. Take it from me: they are of major importance when it comes to achieving your goals. The road to huge success can only be covered one small win at a time.

9. Reward yourself

Reward yourself for your successes. Indulge in an afternoon of relaxation after a successful week, buy yourself a flower, treat yourself with something special, let your family know you've been successful, smile at yourself in the mirror, let your smile embrace you and enjoy the feeling.

10 Design your own "de-cluttering" strategy

Based on your experiences design a strategy that best fits your needs and personality, name it after you and use it continuously to keep your life clutter-free forever.

WHY PARENTING WORKSHOPS?

Coaching workshops are in essence coaching sessions in a group setting where a topic of interest for the group is discussed and participants use the creativity of the coach/facilitator and the group to discover solutions that work for the them individually. Group coaching workshops are a way to experience the benefits of coaching.

The coach brings the group a topic for discussion, or a member may have a topic they'd like to address. Over the time of the session, participants interact with the each other and the coach/facilitator to come to a clearer understanding of the topic, of the best ways to deal with it and of the tools and skills one needs to use to achieve change.

The main benefits for taking part in a coaching workshop are:

• Teamwork: The group becomes a team. Participants can use the coach or the other members as a 'sounding board' to test ideas and get unbiased input.
• Focus: The group and its interests are the focus of the coaching workshop.
• Structure: Because it is a coaching workshop the sessions will be structured to allow for individual input and participation for the benefit of all members.
• Commitment: Participation will be based on commitment to achieve something and thus everyone will be interested to focus on results.
• Accountability: There is something about sharing ones plans with another person that makes one more likely to stick to them.
• Self-management: Being accountable to oneself is only the beginning. Once there are tools one can use it is a matter of managing them and using them appropriately.
• Momentum: Groups help one stay focused on goals and keeps the energy and momentum going.
• Action learning: Coaching workshops are action oriented and they will come with lots of examples and explanations which are easy to understand. Participants can also design their own 'tools' to move them into action.
• Sharing: One feels part of a group sharing same interests and facing the same issues.
  

Today's parents with school age children often find themselves facing challenges & questions with nowhere to turn for answers. Yes, there are plenty of self-help books, articles and ways that one might find the information in the end. However how many people have the time to invest in looking for them? How does one keep up with all the changes in the school environment and thus with the changes in school life in general?

The best solution is to find a list with nuggets of useful tips & answers that someone has put together, to have them explained and to have them ready to use whenever the need arises.

This is where the coaching workshops come in and bring with them an array of answers to the questions we all as parents have been faced with.

The Back To School Coaching Workshops for Parents are a series of individual coaching workshops designed based on issues that have come up from interviewing parents, asking them for feedback, asking them for examples when they found it hard to come by the information they needed, etc.

A long-term goal is to ask the parents what are other issues that they would like discussed and to develop "on-demand" coaching workshops.

The implementation of these coaching workshops will provide the best vehicle to stress the interest that the school has in strengthening this community and involve parents in their children's school life. There are many parents who are not involved, and leave the education for the school to deal with, because they do not know where to start. Sometimes dealing with even the smallest issue seems daunting when you lack the information and you feel that you are the only one in that situation. Being part of a group, sharing the same interests and working together everything easier.

The secondary outcome will be that people get to meet, share and discuss more than they do now. Because in general, the coaching workshops are not designed for specific age groups (excepting K & year 6) parents will have a chance to meet parents with children in different age groups thus creating a friendlier atmosphere amongst parents at school level, rather than just class level.

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